finding, myself. comma. COMA.

my heart is yearning.

I'm too loved to be emo.


I quite dislike those emo kids. who, despite being loved,

drown themselves in emo-ness as if the world owes them everything.


I am emo-less. the world owes me nothing.




I owe the world everything.




I want to go to Tibet so badly.




my spirit[uality] is hurting.


self-induced comas are the only things I can use as leverage to whisk me across seas and mountains--- so that TIBET can be alive for me.

some of my favorite films

Alice in Wonderland, my duchess

Are you people excited about Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland?

It is probably my FAVORITE story of all time. because it's just, crazy and full of wacky academic theory and everything in between, with a cat in tow.

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.
Alice: And how do you know that you're mad?
The Cat: To begin with, a dog's not mad. You grant that?
Alice: I suppose so,
The Cat: Well, then, you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased. Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.

Speaking of cats, my 5th cat Kuzming got neutered last month and yeah, we took his manhood away. But I think he's ok. manhood, shmanhood.



It's been 7 months since we adopted the lil dude as a baby and as the 5th cat I've "serviced" in my life, Kuzming is definitely the most aggressive. and, also, bi-polar. yeah you heard me. When he's good, he's good, but when he's bad, he's the freakin' DEVIL.

when snowflakes fall I wish you well

is it getting harder to pretend?




her voice is so powerful.






a woman with power is a scary thing. no wonder patriarchy attempts to silence us all. because the moment a woman speaks up, the world ends.

In peace.




there have been moments,

where I questioned and transformed my feminist identity



am I radical? anarchist? postmodern? am I beyond 3rd wave and fluid?



all of these questions have been negotiated and mashed and regurgitated. and I'm still a feminist underneath it all.




I'm watching the snow outside my window, and watching my baba work her magic in the kitchen, and wearing a furry coat of cat on my lap. Around this time of year I always want to listen to Norah Jones. it never gets old because I always fall in love with her voice, all over again.

I'm such a sucker for women singing.

happiness is so simple, why make things so complicated?

you have to stop.


the only time you can truly appreciate and experience happiness is when you stop. stop the mindless, daily routine and just put everything down. "putting it down" is a kind of buddhist philosophy I have taken all my life to comprehend, and will continue a lifetime learning to practice, not perfect, it.

it can be loosely defined as the act or practice of "letting go", only, not quite the same concept.

it is about putting down human baggage that occupy our daily living. things that occupy our mind, body and soul, allowing our lives to become solely consumed in it. Things like, but are not limited to, relationship troubles, materialism, work, school, excessive indulgence, etc.

it doesn't mean we shouldn't work hard on each of these things because let's face it, it is nearly impossible to "put them down". the idea is to welcome change and not dwell on nitpicking the problems in our lives. problems can be a blessing in disguise.


you have to believe the world can be happy.


once I learned to put things down and focus on peaceful breathing, positivity and mindful living, I have become so much happier and content with what I have, as opposed to what I don't have.


I come from a place of privilege, I have a lot.


perhaps everything I wrote up until this point has exposed me as a privileged writer, and that's okay.

I just want to share my experience living a buddhist mentality. there are a lot of things that I still need to work on and perhaps I'll share them one day.


all I know is that my body feels really good, and I feel like my spirituality is in tact, even though it yearns for its homeland sometimes, I believe in positivity and I believe in myself.

I think it takes a lot of courage to be happy.


I haven't been tired in a while. Sleepy is different. and I think it's because I'm happy. solitude is very important to me. it teaches me mindfulness and I can meditate without distraction.


I think it takes a lot of courage to be happy.



I believe we can all be happy. Happiness is a contagious thing. and I surround myself with positive people, and that's where I am today. Happy.


thanks for reading.

living well with words

honestly? I don't think I'm a good writer when it comes to my blog.

probably because I'd rather look at pictures than write. so when anyone asks me about pursuing graduate school further, I'm like.... shiet. I KNOW I can rock that paper. I KNOW I can rock feminist theory. I KNOW I can present and defend academic fluff but when it comes to sitting down like a proper lady/student in front of my laptop, all I wanna do is look at pretty pictures of rainbow things and beautiful naked women.

think green, think green. I need some greenspiration.

A friend, quoted: "I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know everything that shine ain't always gonna be gold. I'll be fine once I get it, I'll be good."

My wishlist, loves; indulge my dream for a bit?

I want the brightest pair of yellow Dr. Martens. they are pretty much amazing.


My future closet. have you seen my current closet? it is a tiny walk-in and already overcrowded. I need a bigger walk-in closet. better yet, I need an extra room.

I just have one question lately

WHAT IS WITH ALL THE VIAGRA COMMERCIALS?!????

Not ok. not ok.

pretty white and heterosexist too.




ALSO..



So, how are you?

Boredom prevails, but at least you'll learn something about me

1. What time did you get up this morning?
9:30am

2. Diamonds or pearls?
neither. platinum.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Twilight: New Moon with Ayan. She and I laughed, a lot, throughout the film. All mockeries intended.

4. What is your favorite TV show?
Buffy. nothing has captivated me since. Even strangers knew I was obsessed with that show.

5. What do you usually have for breakfast?
hot water, 1 avocado spread onto something, or eaten by itself. An avocado a day keeps the doctor away!!

6. What is your middle name?
Procrastination; OCD; intense

7. What food do you dislike?
liver; most meat except chicken

8. What is your favorite CD at the moment?
Aimee Mann - Lost in Space. oh who am I kidding? I pretty much only listen to Aimee Mann.

9. What kind of car do you drive?
Nissan Altima

10. Favorite sandwich?
as long as it has avocado in it, it will be my favorite.

11. What characteristic do you despise?
jealousy; shadiness; competitiveness

12. Favorite item of clothing?
oh my god. I can't live without baggy tshirts, blazers, ties, suspenders. Not huge into jeans though.

13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Philippines! Taiwan!

14. Favorite brand of clothing?
I am a thrift store junkie. my entire wardrobe consist of pieces from Salvation Army, Value Village and other thrift store city gems. In fact, I no longer find mall buys satisfying, unless it's really that good. I don't really care for brands; Ayan and I make fun of people who wear giant brand names across their shirts or ass.

15. Where would you retire to?
Nowhere, really. Vancouver is my home.

16. What was your most recent memorable birthday?
holy shiet. I was drunk 'n fly. faded and happy.

17. Favorite sport to watch?
fight club

18. Furthest place that this will be seen?
as far as I'm concerned, I have readers on the other side of the world

19. Person you expect to answer first?
no one. my girlfriend maybe.

20. When is your birthday?
5.4

21. Are you a morning person or a night person?
can't live without both now, can we? I'm so much more alive at night but I love doing self-care in the morning.

22. What is your shoe size?
6.5 - 7.5 give or take

23. Pets?
I have 5 cats but only 1 lives with me. The rest are with my 'rents in their giant house but I share joint custody.

24. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us?
I have discovered the secret to weight loss

25. What did you want to be when you were little?
lawyer; trouble maker; booty shaker

26. How are you today?
perfect! a little bored, hence the survey, but feeling really great about myself.

27. What is your favorite candy?
anything sour!

28. What is your favorite flower?
don't really have favorites. I have fake and dried flowers all over my apartment. I'm so much more into live green plants, viney leaves that twine on my window sill that serve double as home decor and oxygen supplier.

29. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward?
any holiday! with gifts and kisses

30. What is your full name?
Jennifer. call me that and you'll find yourself without an arm.

31. What are you listening to right now?
the TV

32. What was the last thing you ate?
my mom's soup

33. Do you wish on stars?
nah. unless I stumble upon a shooting star.

34. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
yellow! or rainbow.

35. How is the weather right now?
it was beautiful during the day, crispy

36. The first person you spoke to on the phone today?
my mom

37. Favorite soft drink?
ginger ale

38. Favorite restaurant?
pearl hotpot, pin pin's, stepho's

39. Real hair color?
black. crazy!!

40. What was your favorite toy as a child?
tickle me elmo!

41. Summer or winter?
autumn! it's so beautiful and poetic.

42. Hugs or kisses?
hugs followed by kisses

44. Coffee or tea?
TEA all the way. coffee = drugs people!

45. Do you want your friends to answer these questions?
iz all good.

46. When was the last time you cried?
that's between me and my tear ducts

47. What is under your bed?
piles of academic journals! I love school, remember?

48. What did you do last night?
went to a comedy show and partied on a Monday night

49. What are you afraid of?
germs! ridiculous.

50. Salty or sweet?
salt & vinegar

Rainbow bright;;;; story of my life.

To live for the rainbow, to never reach the end of the rainbow, that is the purpose of my life. happiness saturated in color shouldn't be a cliche. it should be demanded.

I collect rainbow pictures. oh yeah. I'm very gay.



My absolute 2 favorites of them all; my heart yearns to live in a rainbow house and have a rainbow vest collection. god know I already have a vest collection without the satisfaction of color coding them all.




I remember taking art classes when I was younger and I ALWAYS drew rainbows. Every project had a rainbow backdrop. i probably have all my old rainbow themed artwork back at my parents house to show you, if the opportunity ever came. Rainbows were the only thing I was ever consistent about. Until one day one of my art teachers wrote in her commentary to my work that rainbows were a cliche. and that traumatized me so much that I stopped painting rainbows. I hated her by the way. She was a racist and now that I think back on it she was probably a homophobe as well. ugh.



Rainbows are absolutely fabulous!! I see the world in rainbow colored glasses.

hawke. lady. ladyhawke.

because she is amazing.




on a completely different note, I'm hating this weather. The rain just gets me so down and I end up not wanting to do anything but lounge around in front of my fireplace with a good book. it is very warm and cozy indeed. actually, that's not such a bad life...

speaking of not doing anything, I've been meditating and yoga-ing almost everyday now and I feel great! I'm not very flexible so yoga really helps my body in places where normal exercising wouldn't, and meditation just balances everything out for me. The only downside is that my body probably needs more cardio to get my heart rate up, but I'm just so not into cardio! Mostly I just hate feeling like I'm always running after my breath. When I do yoga and meditation I concentrate on breathing, as opposed to CATCHING UP TO breathing when I do cardio. ridiculous.

I love Sundays. it's so chill.

you rock my world in darkness

last night Ayan and I met up after work to buy some potatoes, butter and sour cream. we made the most amazing mashed potatoes ever, with garlic, and pretty much freaked each other out by our respective garlic breaths.

Being the smarty that I am I googled ways to eliminate garlic breath and found out that chinese tea is the secret!

I boiled some water and seeped some tea leaves in the most gorgeous tea pot a lovely friend of ours gave us not too long ago, and lo and behold, garlic breath GONE!


I love tea!


time to boil another pot. cookie?

Live green; change

Paying the mortgage is hard, especially at my age. but simple things I do around my apartment saves me unbelievable amounts of money every month.

Home decor:

dollar store purchases, self-assembled, salvaged wood, craigslist, unwanted junk on the side of the road, behind the dumpster, things found in nature, self-drawn, my creativity, POWER TOOLS...

Energy:

Unplugging EVERYTHING at the end of the night, unplugging also when not in use, using the fireplace paid in the monthly maintenance fee instead of using the electric heaters, lights off during the day, one light on during the night, lights off while moving from one room to another, showering less (eww)...

I'm sure there's more but you get the idea.

The colours are provocative still

I have to say blue and red are probably two of my favorite colours.

For example, I bought the exact same coat in both colours just because I couldn't decide which one to buy. and it's so fitted on my body that I cannot bear to live with such a cruel decision, had I made one. Ergo, purchase both.



I also had my hair dyed blue and red at the same time.

Pictures that captured my attention recently, with captions

Because, well, people don't like reading. they like looking at pictures.


We all know I'm a cat lady, but you don't need to be a cat lady to appreciate the cuteness in this one. Everybody likes kittens. just not cats. However, why is said kitten on a thin red leash? We all know cats are too proud to be walked by a "master". This is obviously just for show. I'm calling PETA.


We all know I'm a feminist, so this one is pretty self-explanatory. Patriarchy, you have succeeded. The fight continues.

Which brings me to...


...do what, exactly?


beat yo face, that's what.


Racism still exist, okay? Get that through your heads. It doesn't matter how many "colored" friends you have, you're still a racist.


story of my life. the end.